Stop being so Nice!

Most of the people I meet are nice kind-hearted, hardworking and honest people who seem uncomfortable with the idea of using verbal defensive skills and physical violence as a means to secure their personal safety. The sad part is that very often, these nice people end up being the people getting physically injured and emotionally traumatized. Often, they feel that they were the ones who did something wrong.  When nice people refuse to speak up, stand up, or put their fists up when necessary, then the bad guys win. So, why do nice people hardly ever fight for their rights? Because they have been brought up with the idea that fighting is not nice. They do not even want to think about it. But that just leaves nice people even more vulnerable. When the ugliness of a real fight is left unexplored, all those nice, kind-hearted people are either left unprepared for a real fight, or worse, they walk around with a false sense of confidence about what they will be able to do in a real confrontation. Either way, they are set up for failure. This failure is rooted in a simple fact: Nice people don’t want to hurt anybody—even when someone is hurting them!

So how do you change your mindset about your right to fight?

It’s not enough to prepare yourself physically, strategically, and logically…you must also prepare yourself emotionally and spiritually. The key is that you must believe—in your heart and soul—that you are worth fighting for. That you, or a cause you believe in, are worthy of being defended. That you have the right to succeed, to be happy and that no one has any more right to what they want than you do. You must believe—in your heart and soul—that you have the right to do whatever it takes to secure your safety and success. You must pledge to yourself that you will fight for your beliefs and dreams. Sounds simple enough… but is it? Don’t we all know people who either don’t fight, or won’t fight, or who give up fighting…even when they’re on the verge of succeeding? Seeing other people surrender their goals is sad—you can’t control them—but surrendering your own goals without a fight is just wrong. Here’s something to think about: the only difference between a bad guy and a good guy is that the bad guy does not worry about being a good guy! The bad guy does not even care whether people think he is good guy or not. The bad guy does not care about you or your feelings. They do not care whether you are a nice person. They do not care whether you are beautiful, whether you re religious or whether you do your part in society as a whole.

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When bad guys look at you, they only see one thing: OPPORTUNITY. Bad guys always want easy opportunity. The easiest possible way to get what they want. Bad guys just go after what they want. Bad guys have already decided that it’s okay to rip you off, to dominate your market, to put you out of business, to ignore how you feel or to hurt you. In short, they believe you do not matter. Only nice people worry about being nice. Which means you’re not only in shock that bad guys do what they do, but you are not comfortable fighting back. Which only makes it easier for the bad guy to get what he wants. It is a vicious circle in which there is only one winner…the Bad Guy. It’s sad, but true that nice people don’t want to be rude, make a scene, rock the boat, embarrass anyone, hurt anyone’s feelings, or physically harm someone… even when they are being embarrassed, hurt, and harmed themselves. Bad guys know this and actively exploit this. Nice people put a limitation on their efforts because they believe pushing too hard, or asking for too much, or being overly aggressive, will somehow turn them into a bad guy. Nice people make a choice to play by a set of “good guy” rules, which only makes it easier for the bad guys to beat them.

So here is the bottom line: If you ever want to have a chance at beating the bad guy, the nice guy mentality has to stop. It has to stop NOW! It is OK to strike back, to defend yourself, to set boundaries, to stop making excuses for someone else’s bad behavior and to stop worrying about being a “nice guy”. It is NOT OK to feel sorry for the bad guy. The bad guy is a predator who actively seeks out their prey/victims. When deciding on a course of action, predators (bad guys) weigh up the advantages vs disadvantages. If the advantages or perceived advantages outweigh the disadvantages, they take the opportunity. They are prepared to take the consequences. To them it is about instant gratification of their desires. So, if that bad guy looked at you and made a conscious decision that you will be the next victim, that bad guy demonstrated that you are worth nothing and that they do not care about you and that they do not even consider you a worthy opponent because you would probably not fight back. Even if you do decide to fight back, the bad guy is of the opinion that he can beat you. So why on earth would you want to feel sorry for the bad guy? He made the conscious decision to do what he wanted to do and he was prepared for the consequences. If a lion looks at a buffalo calf and decides to hunt it, the lion may be wary about the buffalo cow guarding her calf. If the lion decides to ignore the risk of being attacked by the cow and proceeds to attack the calf and the cow retaliates and severely injure the lion, the lion cannot turn around and claim to be the victim. The buffalo cow will fight to the death to protect her calf and guess what, she will not apologize to the lion for doing that. The same applies to bad guys. They know what they are doing and they know the risk of doing what they intend doing. They cannot claim to be the victim when things go wrong for them when the victim retaliates. The victim, like the buffalo cow, need to fight back with everything in them to protect what is most important to them, THEMSELVES. When fighting back, the victim must do so without feeling the need to apologize. Human beings are the only life forms on earth that doubt their right to fight, debate the right and wrong of fighting back against someone who is hurting them, or feel guilty for fighting for success and happiness. Does fighting back against bad guys sound childish or immature? Does hitting back mean you’re sinking to the bad guys’ level? Absolutely not! Fighting back means embracing the most primal need you and I have in this world—to survive.

My training and experience gave me a chance to see what happens if you don’t allow yourself to fight back, to take action or to seize control of something that can harm you. What happens? You get hurt. You die. Literally or in spirit.

So, for all the nice people out there, start a revolution in your life by giving yourself the permission to fight for yourself and for your cause. Pledge to fight hard. You have a natural right to survive and thrive. Really, is there any drive more natural than fighting for your life? Isn’t the fight for survival programmed into every cell in your body? Yes! It’s in your DNA. It’s a genetic imperative.

Stop being so Nice!